my cousin killed himself. ” he took his life Amber” my grandmothers says. Silence streams down my being, ‘did the world just shake?’ My desk doesn’t say a word. “Hold on grandma, Just wait a minute” I walk off of the workplace space Area. Shes been talking the whole time of my trip from my desk to the safety of appropriate phone area. I’m listening but what a minute I don’t understand. “Grandma when did this happen?” “Last Saturday” she replies. I feel the earth move but not me. ” He was not found right away” It all gets gray she speaks but I don’t recall all that she says. ” Wait a minute!” thinking to breath I take a deep breath and ask for her to call me when she needs to talk. Our family is so disconnected. I ask her to tell my Aunt to call me keep me abbreved on what is going on, ” I want to pay my full Respects . How else can I say what I mean. ‘ What this is so long ago now you tell me? Why? oh how guilty wants to come in for not being better connected as a neice’ ‘ But I know its not the cause I have tried in my capacity. when in need in my family it is looked on very negativly. My grandmothers ready to place blame on B’s father but I know better. How deserted he must feel about know. back at my desk, no more bathroom tears. I ask for a writing tab from one of the mangers heading home he heads to a filing cabinet and finds it locked. A second Manager ready to help states she’ll show me how to order them. “Thanks but no thanks by cousin killed himself, I just found out.” She hands me a small legal pad and says she sorry and tells me’ why dont I go home’. Oh because I need the pay, I feel terrible I have Issues I must take care of in my life of priority. But how guilt seems to sit in a pool deep down inside of me. ” OH how I wish I was closer to my cousin. How I remember back when we were close. We were young. All I have to think back on is the skinny little fun loveing kid who would go any where without his stuffed ‘My Little Pony’. Blond Hair Blue Eyes and Crying . He Took His Life That’s Why I’m Crying.
AnnieStine on My lifes Funny